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WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE OTHERS MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WHO WE ARE. THEY ASSUME WE’RE STRAIGHT UNLESS WE TELL THEM OTHERWISE. THEY ASSUME WE’RE GAY BECAUSE WE’VE HAD SEX WITH OTHER GUYS…

WE KNOW IT’S NOT SO SIMPLE

WE MAY BE “DISCREET” ONLINE, OR NOT WANT OUR FAMILIES TO KNOW WHERE WE’RE SPENDING OUR SATURDAY NIGHTS.

MORE THAN 1 IN 4 (27.2%) MEN WHO HAVE SEX WITH MEN IN CANADA SAY THEY HAVE NEVER ‘COME OUT’ TO ANYONE, INCLUDING THEIR DOCTORS. [SEX NOW 2014-5]

WE MAY BELONG TO A CULTURE WHERE A PERSON ISN’T EXPECTED TO ‘COME OUT’

Maybe our family suspects we have sex with other guys, but don’t bring it up. Maybe they pretend that our long term partner is our “roommate”. They may still even ask if we have girlfriends, knowing what the answer will be: “No auntie, I’m too busy with work to have a girlfriend.”

THEN THERE ARE THOSE OF US WHO MAY NOT FEEL SAFE ‘COMING OUT.’

We may have a family that has made their homophobic opinions clear, and the risk of them knowing about our sexuality is too high.

OUR FEELINGS OF SAFETY MIGHT CHANGE THE WAY THAT WE HAVE SEX AND FIND PARTNERS.

Whether it’s an occasional visit to the bathhouse for some anonymous ‘fun’, or a trip down the highway to a gay bar in another city, we might have to work a lot harder to maintain our safety. Whatever the reason is, we might simply just not want to risk ‘coming out’ and losing our family and cultural support networks.

EVEN THOSE OF US THAT HAVE POSITIVE EXPERIENCES TELLING OTHERS ABOUT OUR SEXUALITY FOR THE FIRST TIME HAVE LEARNED THAT IT’S NOT ACTUALLY THAT SIMPLE.

We often have to decide whether or not to ‘come out’ every time we interact with a person who we don’t already know: to new friends, to doctors, and even to the straight couple sitting next to you on your way to visit your long-distance boyfriend!

AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT SHOULDN’T MATTER HOW OUT WE ARE OR HOW WE IDENTIFY.

We should all have access to community, as well as sexual and mental health services that embrace us for who we are.

OUTNESS IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE

Coming out can mean a number of different things: our relationship with sex work, our HIV status, our racial and/or ethnic identities, our housing situation, our trans and gender experiences, to name only a few. While we’re focusing on the disclosure of sexuality among GBT2Q men, we acknowledge the huge amount of work that our communities have to do to support people whose experiences with outness go beyond our sexual and romantic selves.